I Was On A High...Until I Wasn't

I was on a high…until I wasn’t. 2017 was the year for me. By then, I had learned how to perfectly manage my academic, social, and swim life. I felt like my swimming career was finally going somewhere. I managed to make it to three national meets that year. This was a big accomplishment for me because, at the start of the year, I was only a state-level swimmer. Everything was going as planned.

On the outside, I seemed super pumped and motivated but in reality, the excitement was only temporary. I didn’t understand why, but suddenly everything felt overwhelming. My body ached every morning, I stopped feeling the rush, and I had no motivation to get out of my bed at 5 AM anymore. My coaches never stopped challenging me, but I stopped responding to any challenge that was thrown at me. Instead of taking some time off, I quit swimming altogether. For five months, I led a dis-organized, dis-interested, and laid-back life. I tried to recognize myself as a normal teenage girl instead of an athlete. I spent more time with my family and friends. I had the liberty to wake up at 10 AM over the weekends. Did I enjoy this? Of course, I did, I am sure if given the chance any athlete would want to lead this lifestyle. But, for how long? I think once athletes are accustomed to their strenuous lifestyle, they can’t stay away from it for too long. I realized that swimming was and still is a huge part of my life. I tried to run away from it just because things got hard. Ironically, I don’t regret this decision, I am not proud of it but I am glad it happened. It made me realize what a big role swimming played in my life, and how it was wrong to toss it away just because the training got harder and I got over-exhausted. I got back into the pool after a few months, and even though I felt stiff, I loved the feeling of just being in the water, fighting through the stiffness and pain.

The reason I felt like quitting was because I needed a break from all the competition and the pressure. I needed to go out and meet people that weren’t my teammates. I needed that break to recover from the inevitable low that comes after every high. And it is only today that I realize that this rough patch taught me more than I lost. The ‘never give up’ attitude circles around all athletes, but, it’s too simplistic. I think every athlete should have a list of reasons as to why they would regret quitting the sport, or giving up. It’s important to establish the role the sport plays in our lives.

A break is necessary, to reflect and most importantly to avoid over-exhaustion. When I was in that over-exhausted state, I made a wrong decision and it cost me months of practice and discipline. Getting back was harder than ever. But now, I know when I need to take a small break, and I give myself permission to relax a little. That does not mean I will stop pushing myself. It just means I need to slow down a little. Balance is important, so, it’s completely okay to take a holiday from practice from time to time, progress happens over long periods. It’s always the smaller steps that help you reach your goal.